We love long walks on the beach and hiking through mountains as much as the next girl, but when it is this hot outside, our inner couch potato gets a chance to rule. Being an old lady, Proffitt can only read so long before she starts to nod off, and Bex just likes to mix things up. That’s when we turn to one of our favorite pass-times – bad movies.
Yes, that’s right, bad movies. The kind of bad movies that for one reason or another, you can’t help but love. We’ve all got ‘em, especially geeks. We’ve decided to share a few of our favorites with you and hope you’ll do the same in comments, on our Facebook page, or our Twitter feed. Thanks to Netflix and Blockbuster, it is pretty easy to have these gems delivered straight to your front door or your laptop. Be warned, however: we love these movies, but almost all of them get truly terrible reviews. We can not be held liable for the 90-minutes of your life you’ll never get back if you don’t like ‘em.
Proffitt’s Picks:
Directed by Wes Craven
If you were the new kid in town and the beautiful girl-next-door got pushed down the stairs by her abusive father, ending up brain dead, wouldn’t you want to use your robot-making skills to turn her into a creepy cyborg who will probably go on to try and kill everyone you know and love? Paul sure does!
I’ve always wondered who they get to write on chalk-boards in movies? Such perfect penmanship. Also, chalkboards always equal “genius at work” in 80s films.
This movie had so much going for it when I was 12. 1) It stars Matthew Labyorteaux, who I had a major crush on ever since he walked into the Ingalls family in Little House on the Prairie as adopted son, Albert 2) Kristy Swanson brings that Kristy Swanson sorta-bad, but kinda-good acting to the table and 3) It really did creep me out. Remember, I was reading Stephen King voraciously by this point. I liked being creeped out. This may not be Wes Craven’s greatest masterpiece, but if my memory can be trusted, this was a good-bad movie. It only gets 5.1/10 on IMDb, but what do thousands of other people know?
Directed by Dave Payne
Reeker poster
What appears at first to be a fairly straight-forward tale of a stranded group of 20-something friends being stalked by a mad killer, in this case one who gives the title to the film with his tremendously off-putting odor, has some really solid surprises in store for the audience. To be honest, I’m baffled by the 5.3 stars for this one on IMDb. The acting is at least average, with a few better than average performances from Eric Mabius (Ugly Betty) and Devon Gummersall (My So-Called Life), and Payne brings some real skill to the table as director. It is definitely a niche kind of movie, but I think it is toward the top of the quality scale when it comes to low-budget horror.
Directed by Jack Heller
I almost feel like I’m cheating with this one, as not only do I not think it’s bad, but it gets a whopping 6.3/10 on IMDb. Still, given that in most American classrooms, that’s a D, I’m putting it on the list.
As with Reeker, the plot of Enter Nowhere is likely familiar to viewers. Three strangers, stranded in a cabin in the woods, confronted with phenomena they can not explain. Quickly, the audience will catch on to the fact that there is something even more strange than the surface strange going on, but be careful – it probably isn’t what you think even when you stop thinking what you were thinking at the beginning. Don’t worry, it will all make sense when you see it.
This movie has a low-budget feel, but in all the good ways. The acting is inconsistent, with the ladies, Sarah Paxon and Katherine Waterson, being quite strong and the fella, Clint Eastwood’s son, Scott, so wooden it provides just the right amount of B-movie-ness to the story. Director Jack Heller and writers Shawn Christensen and Jason Dolan include a featurette about the making of the film on the DVD and it is clear that the project was a passion-project for all involved. It really is a clever, surprisingly sweet story. It’s not as creepy as I wanted, but it’s a fairly successful mind-bender.
Bex’ Picks:
I will really watch almost anything and my Netflix queue is a hot mess. Right now I am in an indie/foreign genre mood. Here are three I’ve been most surprised by.
Directed by Jac Schaeffer
I don’t understand why more people didn’t see this movie, we’re so awesome
I passed by this film so many times until I finally had an “I’m so bored, but watching anything scary wouldn’t be a good idea” night. The description sounded as exciting as paper “In this comedic fantasy, biotechnological implants count down to the moment one is supposed to meet his or her soul mate.” But this picture, starring Emma Caulfield, was a surprisingly charming film that was more quirk than romcom. I definitely became more emotionally invested in the characters than I intended. In the near future, people can pay to have a “timer” surgically implanted in their wrist and when they are close to meeting their soul mate, it activates. When he or shee meets “the one” it goes off. It leads to all sorts of questions- would you or wouldn’t you get it? What if you loved who you were with but your timer hadn’t gone off, does that invalidate your relationship? What if your timer goes off when you are a child? Or you ignored your timer, married and then your timer went off? Or your son’s timer goes off with your maid’s daughter? Awkward. There is a lot of humor and some heartfelt moments. Emma Caulfield is always a joy to watch, especially when she gets to be a little self-effacing. And the girl in me has to mention new crush-John Patrick Amedori. Amedori nailed his part. I really enjoyed this atypical film’s look at love and the supposed plight of a single, thirty-something. And 6.5/10 on IMDB if you’re keeping score.
Directed by David Mackay
Yea, I think the green mohawk is why they started dating
“Four quirky young friends share touching moments and laughter about their personal struggles as they work at a small sandwich shop in California.” Another film I would have ignored if not for Supernatural’s Jensen Ackles attached to it. The number one reason to see this film is Jensen Ackles with a green Mohawk. He makes the movie. In a nutshell, the story is driven by each of the characters trying to find love. Throw in a daughter given up for adoption and a single dad (played by Sean Patrick Flanery) to add some tension. If you are a music aficionado, John Doe (of X fame, Liz’s dad on Roswell, Peyton’s birth father on One Tree Hill) plays the proprietor of the sub shop/father figure. There are also a lot of connections to TV’s One Tree Hill other than Doe – Bethany Joy Lenz has a few songs on the soundtrack, Elizabeth Harnois, Danneel Ackles (Danneel Harris at the time), and Matt Barr co-star, and they both feature Feeder’s Feeling a Moment on the soundtrack. Not ground breaking or that original or realistic, but I was solidly entertained and left with warm fuzzy feelings. If you do watch, keep an eye out on Priestley (Ackles’ character) and his ever changing message tees. And you sort of see John Doe naked (and Danneel Ackles – but not together thankfully). Not sure I wanted to see either of them like that. Consider yourself warned. 7.3/10 on IMDB – we’re moving on up. It’s because Supernatural fans just vote like mad for our fellas online for anything.
Directed by Yannick Dahan, Benjamin Rocher
That ominous moment where our survivors (so far) find out they really might just be alone
You knew it was coming! A zombie movie. A French/Belgian movie, ou la la. You can watch anything with subtitles and it just makes you feel like you are watching more cerebral fare than a ‘let’s get out of here alive’ zombie flick. “An end of the world battle between gangsters, cops and zombies.” This one is not as exciting as it sounds or could have been, but I was enthralled and there are a few twists. Cops and criminals are trapped and must decide to trust one another to get out of an infected apartment filled with zombies. It could have been paced better, but the ending is my favorite part. Not so much for what happens, but for the way it left me feeling. 5.9/10.
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I admittedly went with a broader B movie definition but I went with what I was feeling.
Thanks for your suggestions. I dig the good ol’ 50′s B movies. “Attack of the 50 foot Woman”, anyone? “I Was a Teenage Werewolf” (original, naturally), and Zsa Zsa Gabor in the ‘Queen of Outer Space”. These movies make movie-making look easy! Great stuff.